3 Steps to Building More Harmonious Relationships

Are your relationships a natural occurrence in your life, or are they forced situations that temporarily soothe your pain? Food for thought. Here is my take on it and as always I would love to hear your thoughts as well. So many times we are carrying the pain of the past around with us. We have moved on physically but not mentally or emotionally. We usually suppress the emotional energy and pretend it isn't there because we have physically moved out of the situation. This leaves us in a place where we begin to look for relationships that soothe our pain rather than relationships that naturally occur to support and foster our growth and healing. We move through the world with open wounds and as soon as we encounter someone who touches or pours salt in that wound we lash out like wounded animals, protecting our pain rather than allowing healing to take place.

Time to Heal...


Healing old wounds doesn’t mean we need to revisit the past or sit in those old feelings it simply means we can make a different decision than we made in the past that may have contributed to us being wounded, then we can make a more supportive decision for ourselves and move forward healed and ready for our next experience. Healing old wounds also means that we can let go of the old way we have been relating to people and set boundaries so people relate to us differently as well. This will prevent us from having the same relationships over and over with different people.

Here are 3 steps on how to start creating more harmonious relationships:

Step 1: Release before moving forward.

You must be willing to let go to create something new. Many times we want to have the new beginning or new relationship without doing the work required to bring renewal. Remember, we create from the inside out. Whatever you are experiencing in your relationship is a mirror reflection of how you are, how you have been, how you could be, or one of your belief systems. Why is your relationship lacking peace and harmony? Refrain from placing blame on someone else--we are all the powerful creator of our experience and our lives. What do you see mirrored back to you in your relationship? Is is that you believe men are dishonest--a belief carried over from your childhood experience? Let it go. Is it that you make everything a priority in your life except for your relationship? Let it go. Look at each experience as a growth opportunity. Learn the lessons taught in the experience first before you get involved again and then you can move forward with joy and peace to your next relationship.

Step 2: Identify your triggers and take 100% ownership of them.

Often times, we have buried things so deep within us that we are not aware that we are still holding on until something or someone triggers that “thing." When we are triggered, it feels like someone has poured salt into an open wound; it burns like crazy. All of us have wounds. However, if the wound is still open you will be easily triggered. If the wound is healed, people can pour salt on it as much as they want to and it just rolls off. Take notice of what actions, words, or situations trigger you; these are your open wounds. Do you feel angry in relationships when someone doesn't keep their word, or when they poke fun at you? Remember that no one can make you feel a certain way, we all choose how we react and respond in every situation. However, when we are triggered, we immediately go into our conditioning and react the way we've always reacted, unless we make a different choice. When you feel triggered, do something different. Instead of shutting down, express your feelings. Instead of getting angry, take a deep breath.

Step 3: Focus on what you want your relationship to look and feel like.

We spend most of our lives thinking about what we don’t want, and very little time focusing on what is important to us and what we do want. You are a vibrational transmitter, initially it is not about your action but your thoughts, feelings and emotions that creates and manifest your life. You don't have to believe or know how to get what you want, you just have to align with the vibration of what you want to manifest it. What transformation do you want to see in your relationship? How does it feel? The feeling is the fuel to all manifestations. Once you have your vision, walk in it. Visualize it, affirm it, or write it until you can connect with the feeling energy on a consistent basis. If you don't see your relationship beginning to shift, reflect on what you are vibrating--there may be something else needing to be released.

Every relationship works because each relationship we are in whether intimate, family or friends they teach us and help us grow, if we are open to moving forward and evolving to the next level. Inside of relationships we have to decide if we will allow healing to take place or if we will miss the present opportunity by running away and shutting down emotionally. We must choose to accept the responsibility for our choices and for our own healing.